Romance? Just say no.

The day I stopped believing in romance is when I fell in love. It’s true. I stopped looking for someone who was going to sweep me off my feet and started looking for someone who would treat me well. And there he was, right in front of me.

My history with relationships is weird and awkward. I know those mean the same thing but I really want to get my point across…

Like many young girls, the first time I had sex I thought I was getting into a relationship. I was wrong. It took two months for my deflowerer to tell me he didn’t want to be in a relationship. I pretended that was cool with me when it really felt like I was dying inside.

My first long-term boyfriend was a good guy but sex was difficult for us because, well… there were some proportional issues. It was just as well that we broke up, his family was imploding and I was becoming much too high maintenance. You know, wanting love and attention, that sort of thing.

A few years later, I met a nice Brazilian boy who liked me enough to take me home with him. I brought my toothbrush over and then decided to move in without his consent. It was a studio apartment and we didn’t get along all that well so – shock of shocks – we broke up. After travelling to Brazil together for a month. I asked him not to date my friend that I suspected he had a crush on. A week later he confessed to asking her out. So we got back together. Does that make sense to you? No, me neither. Not surprisingly, it didn’t last very long. But we did become good friends and to this day we stay connected. He even helped me through a difficult break-up.

Speaking of Satan… Did you ever date someone that you knew was an awful person but you’re just so lonely and insecure that you pretend it’s a good idea? I think it’s something that many women go through and, if you’re lucky, you end up the better for it. Albeit, you feel like an idiot.

Well, he was the ex of a friend of mine (I still feel like shit for that) and he wasn’t abusive or into drugs but he liked playing games and fucking with people’s heads. He sweet talked me and told me that he loved me but wanted to keep our relationship a secret. That’s a huge red flag right there ladies – do not ever date a guy who wants to keep your relationship a secret!

He also told me about all the crazy things he’d done in his life which I found difficult to believe. I did some research on the criminal activity he allegedly was involved in and could find no evidence of it really having happened.

Naturally he cheated on me and lied about it. Then he broke up with me over instant messenger like the classy guy he was and it sent me over the edge. He was pretty disturbed individual and it made me act like a crazy person. I would show up for classes and upon seeing him, start crying and leave. I also sent him bad poetry.

It led to me having a string of sexual encounters that went from weird to weird. Not kinky weird, just weird. Although, there was the one guy I slept with because he bought me lingerie. He was french and wanted me to stop shaving my armpits. Obviously, there was no way I could continue with that arrangement.  Eventually, I discovered that I didn’t care for casual sex.

One day, I realized that I should date men that were nice. It wasn’t exactly out of the blue – I read the book ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ and it really was a paradigm-shifting book for me. It should have been obvious from day one that you should only date people who treat you well but when you have low self-esteem it can be difficult.

But, the day I decided to only date nice men I met my future husband. Literally, it was that very day. And, yes, he can be a jerk once in a while but he is really a genuinely nice, nerdy guy and I love him very much. We have a very happy, boring life together and I am so thankful that I decided to be open to nice guys instead of the alpha male jerkwads I used to date.

What I tell people now is that I met my husband the day I pulled my head out of my ass. And every day I ask myself how I can keep my daughter’s head firmly planted on top of her head when it comes to relationships.

 

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