This Post Will Make You a Millionaire in Three Days! (it absolutely will not)

I just returned home from BlogHer and couldn’t wait to share what I learned.

First, if you are going to be super cool at a conference do not arrive thirty minutes before registration opens. If you do, please refrain from shouting “Hi new best friend!” at the first attendee you see.

Second, if you drink four cups of tea during breakfast, do not sit at the table that is furthest away from the restrooms. It is really embarrassing when you have to keep walking past Arianna Huffington while she is giving her keynote address.

Third, Jenny Lawson is awesome. Waves!!!

Me and my new BFF Jenny!
Me and my new BFF Jenny!

Fourth, Khloe Kardashian’s security think that she is the President and are not to be fucked with. Seriously. I thought they were going to put one nice old lady in a headlock.

Fifth, if you see someone you are having an awkward relationship with, do not under any circumstances sit at their lunch table with them and their stinky-faced friends. Lunches and speeches run together and you may have to sit there for many hours in misery.

Sixth,  holy shit I learned a lot from this conference! I mean, I’m already at number six!

Seventh, headlines are important. If you want to grab someone’s attention you must be bold and specific and make crazy promises. (Please reference my headline, above, for an excellent example of this.)

Eighth, Arianna Huffington advised everyone to “sleep your way to the top.” I mean, not in a sexy way, she just wants us to get more sleep.

Ninth, writing well makes you a bolder person in life. This was a really cool takeaway from one of the writing seminars I attended.

In all seriousness, I had a great time at BlogHer. It was a wonderful adventure. I met some beautiful women that I hope to stay connected to. I’m not sure if I’m going to BlogHer next year but I am definitely going to be a better writer for this.

*I just want to reiterate that nothing in this post (or anything in this blog) will make you a millionaire. Ever.

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